


change

by octobuns



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Light Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Sick Character, anything regarding the canon time skip is disregarded idc, i hate tagging stuff lol, more of a friend fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 03:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30015639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octobuns/pseuds/octobuns
Summary: oikawa thought being alone would be a great change for himself. and it was at first, until he was actually aware of how alone he was.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 9





	change

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh idk, it doesn't follow the canon time line at all lol. this is just me projecting my own future worries onto oikawa more or less. i still hope you enjoy!!!

This wasn’t the life Oikawa had planned for himself. He had ambitions he really truly did, ones that people believed that he could reach, ones that he could brag about. But as each day went on, those goals crept further and further away. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he thought he could handle it, he was always able to handle everything. Now here he was, tv remote limply laying in his right hand, eyes glazed over from days of not sleeping. His sink was full of dirty dishes, his email overflowing with messages from his professors, his clothes unwashed and his head full of terrible thoughts. 

It was only a month into his new routine. The first month of college was actually a dream, he was on his own, chatted frequently with classmates and wore the biggest smile. Oikawa wasn’t afraid to ask his teachers questions and often was answering them in front of the class when asked. Then, a sudden reminder of the fact that he was alone, a reminder that the smile he was wearing was fake. It made him sick to his stomach. After this realization, a pattern began. He figured it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he missed one or two classes, it’s not like the university would call his parents, there really was no penalty. He could catch up on his own terms. Except for the fact that Oikawa hadn’t done a single thing in weeks.

Wasting away in bed was his only solace. His house was a wreck. The state he was in would make his mother cry. So when she or Iwaizumi called, he put on his best front, bragged about friends he didn’t have and plans he didn’t make. To say the least, he was at his very worst. 

The loneliness he felt was overwhelming. Oikawa hated that he was nothing more than a high-school ‘has-been’, it’s something he feared and now was faced with. Of course no one was really out saving the world yet, but he knew very well that he was yards behind any of his peers. He could see their instagram feeds, he got texts and calls. All he had to give his friends were lies, he couldn’t let them know what he was really doing. 

He was alone. New friends were out of the question. He already had wonderful friends, why would he want more? What was the point in meeting new people, he liked the people he knew. No one else could compare to the group he already had. Of course, none of them lived near him now, but after they graduated, he hoped that they would all settle back in their hometown. Sure his friends were meeting new people, and he would be lying if he said it didn't itch at his brain. Especially Iwaizumi. Every time he heard a new name, another group photo, or just even the thought of knowing he was laughing without him, it sent Oikawa spiraling. 

Oikawa knew that it was unhealthy, he felt disgusting for being so selfish. But that was HIS best friend. Not someone who went to lunch with him a few times or someone that borrowed his pencil. That was his first friend and the only person Oikawa truly could count on. He didn’t care how obsessive it made him seem, he met him first. And although that was his best friend that would surely understand, he couldn’t bring himself to let Iwaizumi down.

Speaking of the devil, his phone rang. It took a ridiculous amount of strength to dig around the cluttered couch for his phone, “Hey Iwa-chan!” He tried to make his voice brim with joy. 

“Yeah hey, how have you been? You haven’t been answering my texts.” Iwaizumi

Oikawa allowed himself a small real smile, hearing his voice did put him in a better mood, “Ah… I’ve been good! Almost got all my homework done, classes today were a pain, but it’s okay. There’s a cute girl I’m meeting with later this week so who even cares about lectures.” Lies, lies, lies.

“You don’t have classes on Wednesdays.” 

Fuck he was caught, “Oh I-”

“Is this a new girl? Not the one you met last week? Whose name you can’t remember?”

“Iwa-chan, listen-”

He heard a loud sigh on the other end, “You know, Hanamaki’s friend has multiple classes with you. He says he hasn’t seen you in weeks, Shittykawa. And I know you didn’t switch that many classes.”

Oikawa was silent. His fears were coming true, he felt so sick, so terrible, his head started to spin. 

“Listen, Oikawa, are you okay? I am pissed that you have been lying, but I’m more pissed that I didn’t pick up on your lies first. Can’t believe Hanamaki noticed it before me.”

“Iwa, I’m fine, just in a small slump. It’s really nothing. I was just a little embarrassed about you doing better than me, but I’m over it now, it’s not a problem.”

“Okay, seriously you are such a bad liar, now I’m even more upset at myself that I didn’t notice earlier.” OIkawa wanted to accept defeat and just be honest, but he couldn’t. He was stupid for letting himself lose this much dignity already, he can’t keep relying on his best friend.

“I’ll see you in a bit, Idiotkawa.” With that, Iwaizumi hung up the phone. 

Oikawa didn’t really know what Iwaizumi meant. There was no way Iwa was coming to visit him right now, right? Not just because he was worried. Guilt mixed with panic inside of Oikawa. He had to prove to Iwaizumi that he was just fine. That nothing is wrong and he was worrying over nothing. He took one look at his apartment and wanted to pass out. It was… a disaster. 

Frantically, he scrubbed at dishes and prayed that Iwaizumi wasn’t stupid enough to haul himself all the way over here just to check up on him. But his thoughts came to a stop when he heard a knock on the door. His blood ran cold. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe he could blame the state of his living area on college behaviors. He was a guy after all, don’t all guys get a little messy? 

He shakily opened the front door and faked some confidence, “Iwa-chan! What are you doing here? It’s good to see you but-” Iwaizumi wasn’t here for the fake comments. His eyes looked full of concern, he looked like someone punched his gut. 

“Oikawa what happened?” 

“Oh-uh, I just need to do a little bit of cleaning, it's not a big deal really.” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “No you idiot, you. You look like a wreck, what did you do to yourself?” 

Oikawa opened his mouth to respond, but nothing seemed to come out. Where did he even begin to explain. He felt so sick and terrible. How could he tell Iwaizumi about his irrational loss of motivation. It was stupid, Oikawa was just weak, that's all there was to it. 

He was so out of it, he didn’t feel the shorter boys arms wrap around him. “It’s okay, I’ll be here for a few days, we can… we can figure something out okay?” 

Oikawa just gripped his best friend and let the silent tears shake his body. It was so embarrassing, but Iwaizumi had seen similar scenes plenty of times. He tried very hard to keep his sobs at bay, but he couldn’t help it. It had been much too long since he received such a caring and sincere hug from someone he truly loved. 

His long overdue sobs filled the silence as Iwaizumi rubbed his back as a form of comfort. “Let’s just, let’s get you to sleep okay? It’s late.”

Even though Oikawa lazed around most days anyways, he felt unbearably tired. Leading Iwaizumi to his room, he crawled into his own bed and gestured for the other to join him. It wasn’t the first time they had done this. And if they cuddled sometimes when they shared a bed or even swapped goodnight kisses, no one needed to know about it. But the mood wasn’t right that night for them to play at love. They both knew how the other felt about one another. It wasn’t butterflies or a sudden new sensation, it’s a love that was always there and would always be. They decided long ago that it would be best to stay friends, and let the future run its course. 

Oikawa felt Iwaizumi’s hands lightly rub at his back, “You’re such an idiot, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t doing okay?”

“Iwa-chan, I think you know better than I do when I need someone to intervene.”

“Mhm, you’re right about that, talk in the morning?” 

“Yeah that’s fine.”

Not hearing much else come from his best friend, Oikawa whispered a faint thank you and let himself fall asleep. 

-

It was the rain that Iwaizumi first heard, right before he heard the loud retching that came from the bathroom. The rain was much more peaceful, something that didn’t make his heart worry. Something that waited peacefully for whenever he wished to acknowledge it. 

Despite the bed practically begging, yearning for him to stay and indulge in more rest, Iwaizumi only listened to the rain a few moments more. Within a minute, he was gingerly knocking on the door. “Hey Shittykawa, you okay in there?” He waited for a response, but none came. A small tinge of worry ran through him as he knocked a tad bit harsher, “Hello? I heard you puking, you alright?!” 

Cursing to himself, Iwaizumi prayed that Oikawa had at least made it to the toilet before spilling out his insides. Thankfully the door was unlocked, even though Iwaizumi still decided to barrel in with more force than necessary. A heap of a brunette man laid with his face dangerously near the toilet bowl. Sighing, the conscious one picked up the other and gazed into the mess. Oikawa made it all into the bowl, but had passed out before he was able to actually flush it down. It wasn’t a pretty sight, and Iwaizumi was more than thankful that a candle was already lit to drown out the horrible smell. 

He made sure all of the puke was flushed and that Oikawa’s limp body was secure as he hauled him out of the bathroom and onto the couch. Normally this would cause someone to panic, having their best friend puke and then faint all within a few minutes. And while it wasn’t really a usual occurrence, it certainly wasn’t the first time. Iwaizumi propped him upright, and got a better look on his face and made some mental notes. There was drool lining his lips, his face was burning up and he looked sicker than just normal morning nausea.

The easiest diagnosis, Oikawa had a miserable fever. Iwaizumi didn’t trust that Oikawa was getting good meals in, so whatever he had in him was the only thing keeping him going. Oikawa was also not someone that should be trusted with drinking enough water. 

Throughout the years of their friendship, Iwaizumi had been, and probably always would be the more responsible one. While he knew when to throw in the towel and call it a night, Oikawa would be pushing more reps and keeping his mind busy until it was morning. It was comforting in a way Iwaizumi supposed. Having someone that needed you around, someone to feel important to. Iwaizumi would complain, scold, and overall beg Oikawa to just listen to what his body needed. But if he was being honest with himself, he liked nagging him. This did take the cake for irresponsibility on Oikawa’s part. He was straight up neglecting his own needs, Iwaizumi knew he could get into moods but it was hard to say if it was ever truly this bad. 

Iwaizumi grabbed a ‘barf bowl’, a glass of water, and a cold wash rag. Lightly he dabbed Oikawa’s face before laying the rag across his forehead. He sighed. It was a very rash decision to come visit. But after what Hanamaki said, and Iwaizumi going over old texts and seeing red flags, he knew he couldn’t leave it alone. He started in on the dishes, Oikawa was never any good at chores anyways, who on earth let him live alone? Luckily he couldn’t cook either, so it was mainly just plates and no pots. Take out food and delivery services must have been his safety net. 

After a few minutes, Oikawa came to, and almost immediately got up to try and stop Iwaizumi from cleaning. “Hey, hey woah, sit down.” He ordered. 

Oikawa obliged but that was probably from feeling lightheaded, “Could you stomach toast right now or no?” 

Oikawa shook his head, “Okay, then drink the rest of that water and then spill. I’m helping you out so you owe me some sort of explanation of what the fuck you’ve been doing and where all this lying came from.” 

He looked everywhere that wasn’t Iwaizumi’s face. Oikawa first blamed himself for not being smarter about covering up how he was doing, and then blamed his stupid best friend for being such a caring person. 

“I don’t know why.”

“Bullshit try again.”

“No I seriously don’t know!” OIkawa exclaimed, it was half true, he didn’t really know, “I don’t know Iwa-chan, I’ve just been really lonely I think.” And once he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop, “Like, you know… I just really miss everyone. I thought that meeting new people would be easy, simple. But god, I thought about how much it hurts not seeing you guys whenever I want. There’s no real reason for what happened to me, honestly. I had a good start, talking to people and getting homework done but what’s the point? Why should I get close to these people? It hurts so bad not seeing you and everyone else, I was happy with our group. I don’t really need anyone else, I can just wait for when we all move back.”

“We might not all move back Oikawa, as lovely as that sounds, people move on, I’m sorry. I’m not talking about myself but you have to be open to the reality that not everyone has the same plan as you. A lot of our friends have really big dreams, and I know you do too. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of anything, we’re just growing up.”

“See! That’s what you’re not getting Iwa, it hurts so bad knowing that. Things aren’t the same and I can’t change it. You guys were all I had, I don’t matter to anyone at my college, no one cares-”

“But they will. I won’t let you isolate yourself because you miss us. You have to move past highschool experiences.”

Oikawa let out a frustrated groan, “It’s not just highschool! You were there my whole life, and now you’re not. And I get it, we’re adults now, I should be like you and move on. But I can’t. I can’t replace you, I can’t do any of this without you.”

“Oikawa, you’re an idiot if you think this isn’t hard for me too. Do you know how hard it is to worry about you? You never give straight answers to how you’re feeling, it hurts me that I can’t be there for you which is why I need you to take care of yourself. I do agree it would be easier if we were all together again, or even if it was just you and I. Of course it would be easier.”

“Is that an option?”

Iwaizumi seriously seemed to ponder it for a minute before rapidly shaking his head, “No, no, it’s not. Tooru, this was your dream, you’re finally at your school of choice. I’m doing something I love. You will love this too, just maybe not right now. But I am begging you for one small thing, and that’s to make some new friends. I am not going to be here to take care of you when you need it. I also can’t worry about you like this so often. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“I can’t replace you.”

Iwaizumi moved to be next to the distraught boy, and put his arm around him, “You’re not replacing me, you’re just, I don’t know, expanding your fanclub. I wouldn’t let you replace me, I’d kill you first.”

Iwaizumi was right, he always was. Things can’t stay still or stay the same. People are meant to grow, to learn and to become the best versions of themselves. It hurts, and it will hurt for a long time. More often than not, it won’t seem like it’s worth it, but at the end, you won’t remember what that hurt felt like because the victory feels too good. Winning was something Oikawa was used to, just never on his own. Winning as a team was his real strong suit. And he liked his usual players, finding new ones didn’t sound appealing at all.

But he has to do it, he has to. He can’t keep making the person he loves most worry about him, he can’t let all of his hard work be thrown away over some loneliness. He was selfish, yes, but not in that kind of way. “God, Iwa-chan, I hate you sometimes.”

Iwaizumi shoved him a little bit, “You do? Then why have you been moping around for a month? If you hate me, that must mean you didn’t miss me at all, Shittykawa.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

They dropped the heavy stuff and settled in to watch a movie, Oikawa may have had a few heaving breaks and needed some extra care for his fever. But despite the physical ailment, he was content. He tried not to think about how short lived this calmness would probably be. Oikawa found it hard to enjoy himself in the moment a lot of times. 

-

Within a few days, Iwaizumi had to go back to his own school. And Oikawa had decided to give things another go. Sure, the first day he planned to go back, he chickened out of. But he didn’t hide it this time. He shot a text to Iwaizumi and promised to actually go through with it the next day he had classes. His professors weren’t very forgiving but it was okay, the schoolwork helped distract him from the lonely feeling. He got some socializing when he would ask for notes. 

Slowly he was conquering the things he used to feel were impossible. Very slowly sometimes, but the process was faster when competition was involved. Some of his classmates found him pretty funny, and he even took the initiative to sign up for a recreational volleyball team. It wasn’t a big commitment, it was just a start and that was okay. 

Although he was getting better, the hurt never fully went away. At times he would feel guilty for laughing with a new group, or he would stay up late going through old memories. Old wounds are hard to heal by yourself. The days where Iwaizumi would call him were better than the days that he didn’t. But even days where he didn’t text at all weren’t too miserable. In some terms, distractions were a good thing for once. 

It’s hard to accept, you can’t count on things staying the same or always having people there for you. It will be hard to make new bonds and relationships knowing that they might end. But that’s the risk you have to take. At the end of the day, Iwaizumi was still himself and so was Oikawa. 

When they are finally ready, their partnership would continue, maybe differently than before, but it still would continue, that would have to be enough. For the time being, Oikawa made it a goal to enjoy his life in a way that would make himself proud. 

**Author's Note:**

> smooches u for reading, tyvm, this was also a product of me wanting to write a sick fic but then getting really side tracked about my own life and needing reassurance <333 hope u enjoyed, yup yup, pls dont be too harsh this was mainly worked on at 2am-4am some nights whenever i felt like it oops


End file.
